When I started networking with people in film, TV, and animation, my opening message to someone I did not know was usually a question about themselves.

That was the thing I found most useful.

Not a pitch.

Not my life story.

Not a nine paragraph emotional manifesto about how I want to create adult animated comedy shows before I die.

Just a question about them.

Beautiful. Lovely. Much less terrifying.

Why I started asking questions first

When I first started trying to build a career in adult animation, I did not know a single person in the industry.

No producers.

No executives.

No working writers.

No secret Hollywood uncle who could casually walk me into Netflix and say, “This Danish guy makes cartoons. Give him money.”

Nothing.

So I started networking early.

I used Stage 32 a lot from day one. I have spent a certain amount of time there every single day since I started this whole journey.

There are hundreds of thousands of people on there.

Total beginners.

Writers.

Actors.

Producers.

Executives.

People at very different levels.

That helped me because I could just start reaching out.

And I did.

A lot.

I am a big believer in volume. Do so much work that it would be unreasonable for nothing to happen.

But after sending a lot of messages, I started to notice that the first message matters.

Scientists are baffled.

What I usually asked

My opening message to someone I did not know would usually be a question about themselves.

Something like:

What has been your favorite project to work on?

What has been your favorite highlight this year?

What are you working on these days that has you excited?

What is your favorite movie?

What is your favorite show?

Something positive.

I would not ask, “What was your least favorite part about going to this school?” or “What was the worst part about working on this project?”

That feels like opening a conversation by handing someone a tiny emotional invoice.

No thank you.

I tried to ask something that made them feel good to talk about.

Something that could get them excited.

Something that gave them a chance to talk about work they were proud of, things they enjoyed, or something they cared about.

I tried not to make it fake

The important part for me was that the questions had to be genuine.

I try not to be fake.

I think people can smell that a mile away.

If I ask someone what they are working on these days that has them excited, I actually want to know.

If I ask about their favorite project, I actually want to hear the answer.

If I ask about their favorite animated show, I am probably also asking because I am writing adult animation and I am interested in what people in the industry love watching.

The question cannot just be a trick to get to the part where I talk about myself.

People can feel that.

At least I think they can.

I talked less about myself

One thing I think has helped me build connections is listening.

That ties back to asking questions about them.

I try not to talk about myself unless they actually ask.

If they ask me what I do, of course I answer.

I am a comedy writer and independent animation producer. I make adult animation. I am trying to create half-hour animated comedy series.

But after I answer, I try to turn it back to them.

Ask another question.

Listen to what they are saying.

Follow the thread.

People love talking about themselves.

I do too.

I am not above this.

If someone asks me about adult animation, comedy writing, or one of my projects, my brain immediately lights up like a sad little Christmas tree.

So I try to remember that other people probably enjoy talking about their work too.

Especially if the question is specific and positive.

The goal was usually an online coffee

For people around my level, or just a few steps ahead of me, my process was usually pretty simple.

Reach out.

Ask a question.

Chat back and forth a little bit.

Build some rapport.

Make the person feel like I am interested in them (because I am).

Then, once enough rapport has been built, I might ask if they would like to grab some online coffee.

Most of the people I network with live in Los Angeles.

I don’t.

So for me, coffee meetings usually mean Zoom or Google Meet.

Then maybe a relationship starts.

Then maybe I follow up later.

Then maybe we stay connected.

Bada bing, bada boom.

I do not message everyone the same way

One thing I think is important to mention is that I treat people differently.

And by that, I mean I reach out differently depending on how far ahead they are in their career.

If someone is around my level, or a few years into their career, I feel more comfortable making small talk first.

I might ask about their favorite project.

I might ask what they are working on.

I might ask what shows they like.

But if I reach out to someone who is way higher up, I am probably not going to ask, “Hey, what is your favorite movie?”

If someone is the vice president of a major company, that might feel too casual.

Later, I got advice from an executive producer that changed how I approach people way above me. That is more about informational interviews and being very clear about what I want to learn.

But for this kind of first message, especially with people closer to my level, questions about them have been one of the most useful ways to start.

Why this matters for adult animation

I am trying to build a career in a field where shows are made by a lot of people.

Writers.

Animators.

Producers.

Executives.

Voice actors.

Editors.

Designers.

People who understand development.

People who understand production.

People who understand how an idea becomes something people can actually watch.

So when I reach out, I am not only trying to collect names in a spreadsheet like a networking goblin.

Although yes, I do have a spreadsheet.

Of course I do.

I am trying to slowly build relationships with people who understand this world.

People who can teach me things.

People who can give feedback.

People who might work with me one day.

People who are also trying to make things.

The small shift

The small shift was this:

I stopped treating the first message like a place to prove myself.

I started treating it like a place to show interest.

Instead of opening with everything about me, I asked about them.

Simple questions.

Positive questions.

Questions people might actually enjoy answering.

That made the first message feel less awkward for me.

And it made networking feel a little less like begging strangers to care about my career.

The simple version

If I had to simplify what helped me write better networking messages, it would be this:

I asked a question about them.

I made it positive.

I tried to make it genuine.

I listened.

I did not talk about myself unless they asked.

Then, if the conversation felt natural, I asked for online coffee.

That is really it.

If you’re new to networking in Hollywood, I talk a lot more about it in this video here:

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